Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
