Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
