Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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