btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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