i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
