She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
