I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize