Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
