I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
then he tried to convert me to islam
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
