We won't sleep together?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
