I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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