that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
