Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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