Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
