you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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