Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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