If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
