TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
