Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
