i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize