i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
