I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
