can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
