He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize