I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
