He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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