I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
