Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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