69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
a search helicopter?!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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