Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
