Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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