When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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