called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize