Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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