You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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