please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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