I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
