We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
