I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
