just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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