I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
