Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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