I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
