im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
