What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
