so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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