Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize