I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
