yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
