fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
