i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
