if you like me you must not know who I am
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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