the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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