no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
