Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
