Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize