Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
