You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
