i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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