We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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