Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
