I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
