What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
