i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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