I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
dude. I can hear the air.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
