I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
