Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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