addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
