Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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