:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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