Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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