there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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