So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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