My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
