we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
