I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
