my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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