Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
