at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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